


Irreconcilable

by FluffyAngstWriter



Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (TV 2012), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types
Genre: Anger, Arguing, Basically Raph and Leo fight and it gets pretty ugly so they take it outside, Blankets, Brotherly Angst, Brotherly Love, Bruises, Comfhurt, Fights, Gen, Hot Chocolate, Leo is not doing things like he usually does, Light Angst, Mikey is panicking and Donnie just wants his illegitimate sibling parents to stop fighting, Minor Violence, Not beta read we die like Splinter, One Shot, Pillow & Blanket Forts, Self Confidence Issues, TCEST DON'T TOUCH THIS WITH A 10-FOOT POLE, The love comes after the angst, Turtle Pile (TMNT), Unreliable Narrator, and when they get back they both look pretty bad and they won't stay in the same room together, but then it goes from verbal fight to physical fight, soft boys being soft boys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-10
Updated: 2021-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-12 10:08:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,890
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29882976
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FluffyAngstWriter/pseuds/FluffyAngstWriter
Summary: ir·rec·on·cil·a·ble/i(r)ˌrekənˈsīləb(ə)l/adjective(of ideas, facts, or statements) representing findings or points of view that are so different from each other that they cannot be made compatible.
Relationships: Donatello & Leonardo & Michelangelo & Raphael (TMNT), Donatello & Leonardo (TMNT), Donatello & Michelangelo (TMNT), Leonardo & Raphael (TMNT), Michelangelo & Raphael (TMNT)
Kudos: 5





	Irreconcilable

**Author's Note:**

> So the tags explain what happens but to explain why this is rated T, Raph tries to choke Leo out. This takes place before Raph's character arc in the show (which was around season 2. If you compare his attitude at the end of season 2 with his attitude at the beginning of the show, he's much better!), so that explains why he's so explosive and violent

Leonardo walked home in silence, but he could feel Raphael's rage behind him, and he was planning how to respond to the argument that was sure to come.

Raphael had been ignoring orders again, and because of it, Donatello nearly fell off a rooftop. Raphael himself had been faring badly during the battle because of it. They were getting their shells handed to them on silver platters. They had won against their enemies, but only barely. Even then, Leonardo's bruises and cuts stung, and he held Michelangelo close to him, the youngest tired and beat up as well.

It wouldn't have _happened_ if Raphael had just did as he was told, instead of trying to run off and do his own thing when his team was depending on him not to mess up.

_"Raph!" Leonardo yelled over the sounds of battle, trying to catch his brother's attention._

_Raphael looked up, but only for a second, before he turned his gaze back to the enemies in front of him, holding his own just fine for the moment. His eyes were wild, carrying a rush of adrenaline and satisfaction that came with the battle, but Leonardo was panicking as his brother ignored him. His attention turned to Donatello, who was getting herded closer and closer to the edge of the building as he attempted to keep his black-clothed enemies at bay. He was getting too close to the edge, but Leonardo was tied up helping Michelangelo, and couldn't go to help Donatello. He was depending on Raphael to help the genius brother, but if he was so intent on ignoring him-_

_Leonardo grunted as the blade cut into his left arm, and turned his attention back to the fight at hand, slicing through the bot that cut him. He couldn't afford to stray away, to give up his focus for just one second, but his brother was getting so close to the edge..._

Leonardo looked over at Donatello, who's shoulders were still tense, still shaking slightly, eyes wide in shock because he had nearly fallen off the roof and he could've died. He paused to make sure that the genius was safe, that he was still alive and coming home in one piece. That was what mattered. His family was whole, alive, and together as they were heading home.

_"RAPH!" Leonardo yelled again. He didn't truly yell that time. He screamed it, begging for the hot head's attention for one second just to get him to look at Donatello. His voice was sharp with panic, sharp as he tried so desperately to gain Raphael's attention. He hadn't had to scream for his younger brother's attention in so long, it felt foreign to him to have to do it._

_Raphael finally looked at Leonardo, annoyance clear until Leonardo bobbed his head to Donatello. Then his eyes widened, panicking like Leonardo had been mere moments before as he lunged across the crowd, vaulting over enemies and even using them as stepping stones, but he wasn't going to get to Donatello in time, **oh God the second youngest was slipping, Raphael wasn't going to get there in time** -_

_Leonardo was closer, though. He didn't want to leave the baby brother alone for long but one of his brothers, a member of his family, his clan, was slipping and Raphael wasn't fast enough-_

_So Leonardo beat him to it, had to leave Michelangelo and got to Donatello before Raphael could, grabbing Donatello's right hand with his own and brandishing a katana in his left at anyone who tried to get near them, because he was not going to let any more of his family die. Raphael was confused for a moment, it was clear, but the confusion was quickly followed by a kaleidoscope of emotions. Rage, fear, leftover panic, more confusion, concern, rage rage rage rage- It disappeared when his arm was grabbed, and he was pulled back by the Foot bot grabbing him. Raphael snarled, loud and clear and filled with so much **anger** before he stabbed it, over and over, until it was hanging together by wires and a few strands of cloth. Leonardo almost wanted to be scared, but he had more important things to worry about; Like not getting killed while simultaneously pulling his brother up from his own impending doom so that he could get back to Michelangelo._

Leonardo looked over to the baby of the family, who was now clinging onto his arm like a lifeline because he was _shaking_ , he was shaking so hard and his own baby blue eyes were as wide as saucers. The eldest could only hold his youngest brother tighter, and try to keep him calm.

Then he looked over to Raphael, who was refusing to look at him, instead staring at the ground or at the wall. Leonardo sighed softly. Of course. This was the calm before the storm, he knew it. There would be no mercy in the fight, and Leonardo wouldn't be surprised if it turned into a spar. For then, however, he just had to wait until they got home and see where it went from there.

%%%

After being given a quick once over when they were home and finding that none of their injuries were too serious, they were all just shaken up, they went their separate ways. Michelangelo went to go watch TV, Donatello settled down in his lab to tinker for a bit, and Leonardo had been heading over to the dojo to train for a bit.

Had been.

Raphael caught him on his way there, and Leonardo groaned inwardly. He couldn't take it just then, he was so done being an adult for the day.

"What the shell was that, Leo?!"

Leonardo took a deep breath. Be calm. Be calm. Don't lash out, there's a very reasonable explanation and way out of this without there needing to be violence. He turned to face Raphael, keeping his voice steady and calm as he spoke and _praying_ that it didn't anger the hot head further, "Elaborate, Raph. What was what? Which part?"

"You know what I mean! That stunt with Don!" Raphael's voice sharpened into a snarl. Right. Apparently not. Raphael had decided to choose the violent path.

"I had called you before he was falling, and you ignored me. I was closer when he started falling."

"So you _had_ to wait until I was goin' to help?!"

"I was tied up with helping Mikey. If you had just listened the first time I wouldn't-"

"So this is my fault?" Raphael crossed his arms, glaring at Leonardo like he wanted to kill him with his eyes.

Nearby, he heard Michelangelo's breath hitch, and the sound of cartoons stopped. He could already tell that things were going to get pretty ugly, very quickly. He didn't want to be around the two youngest when it went that far.

"Raph." Leonardo kept the forced calm so they he could try to work the problem out peacefully, "Can we take this outside?" When Raphael looked like he was going to object, Leonardo kept going, "Not far. Just the first bend in the sewers."

Raphael locked his gaze for a moment before he growled and gave in, nodding begrudgingly. Leonardo hesitated for a second, and tried not to smile when Raphael started storming towards the exit. He had only hesitated because he knew that Raphael would want to lead, and Leonardo gladly let him. He followed shortly after the hot head, trying not to notice the way Raphael's fists were clenching, how tense his shoulders were, the way his jaw was clenched so tightly that it had to be painful. Like promised, they made it as far as the first bend in the sewers, and Raphael stopped, keeping his shell turned to Leonardo, just stared at the floor.

"Stop telling me what to do."

Right. One of those days again. One of those days that Raphael couldn't stand being told to do anything, and his temper flared more often than usual. Leonardo hesitated to answer, and could only sigh in response while he tried to figure out what to say. He didn't have to, it turned out.

"You're disappointed in me." Raphael's voice was closed off, no emotion, just... Blank.

"What?"

"You think I'm not good at anything, don't you? You think I'm a joke?!" Raphael turned on his heel, grabbing his sai and pulling them out from his belt. His glare bore into Leonardo's exasperated expression, while Leonardo drew his katanas.

"Raph, it's not like that...-"

"No! Stop lying to me! You know it is, and you just keep saying it's not!"

Leonardo prepared to respond, to explain himself, but Raphael was already charging him, sai drawn and ready to attack once more. Leonardo immediately shifted into a defensive position. He was not going to fight his brother. Not when it wasn't necessary. Raphael, on the other hand, had other plans, immediately going for Leonardo's right arm, his dominant arm. Leonardo raised his katanas and swerved to the right, blocking Raphael's attacks before he reeled backwards, dodging an attack aimed at his face. He grimaced. The red-clad turtle meant business, and he was proving he was willing to take the battle farther than needed. The leader suppressed another sigh.

He raised his katanas, blocking another hit and grunting from the force his brother packed into an attack.

_Leonardo and Raphael were as different as night and day._

Raphael growled, eyes ablaze. "Why won't you fight?!" He charged Leonardo again, but this time, Leonardo was on the offensive. Leonardo swept a foot under his brother's legs, placed a hand on his chest, and shoved him back onto his shell before he simply stepped back. Raphael hit the ground, but only for a second, vaulting himself back onto his feet in the next.

_Moon and sun._

Raphael smirked, shifting back into position and watching as Leonardo did the same.

_Water and fire._

Raphael went first again, dropping onto his hands and sweeping Leonardo's feet out from under him, recovering and going at his older brother again as Leonardo got back onto his feet.

_One was cool and collected, keeping a level head at all times and thinking before he acted. He always had a plan for the situation at hand and preferred to observe and question first, and act later. He understood that there was no simple black and white in the world, no clear line between good and evil. Not everyone was what they seemed to be. Something one person was doing could appear evil, yet save someone else's life. A person could appear good, kind, and friendly, but in reality, have bad intentions. There were so many shades of grey in between that you could get confused trying to pick them out._

Leonardo raised his katanas once more, catching Raphael's sai and holding him still. Both brothers were attempting to push each other back, but neither moved an inch, fighting with equal strength and power. Finally Raphael's sai flew across the sewer, lodging into a wall with enough frightening force to leave lightning-like cracks in the wall. Leonardo was someone who fought with honor, and he would not fight Raphael unfairly. Slowly, he sheathed his katanas, and switched positions, curling his hands into fists and narrowing his eyes. Raphael mimicked his position, delighted at the fact that Leonardo was finally fighting him seriously.

_The other was hotheaded and emotional, although he never showed it. He tried to keep his emotions in check, but they often bubbled over and were expressed by wrath. He would protect his family at all costs, would never hurt them too seriously if he could help it, but his emotions, soft and kind in reality, were expressed by violence, and vented out that way. He chose to attack first before questioning, which sometimes led to disaster. To him, the world was black and white, in ways. Not always, but most of the time. He didn't see every shade of grey yet, only the good, the evil, and the shades near the very center of the spectrum, often leaner closer to black._

Leonardo threw the first punch, that time. He approached quickly, sprinting towards Raphael and ducking as Raphael tried to attack before Leonardo could. He grabbed the red-clad turtle by the shoulders, and kneed him in the plastron several times before letting go and jumping backwards, leaving Raphael to gasp for air for a moment. If it was a fight Raphael wanted, it was a fight he would get. Leonardo lunged again, and hit the pressure point near Raphael's left arm, withdrawing once more. A hit and run.

Raphael grunted in pain, then took the next move, going to slam his shoulder into Leonardo's chest. He was blocked as Leonardo crossed his arms in front of him, but took advantage of the situation and grabbed his brother's arms, flipping him onto his shell and going down as well to pin him.

_Being so different, most would think that they would be almost incompatible. And they would be right. The two argued almost daily, fighting over every little difference in their points of view. However, they were still similar in some ways. They were both honorable, loyal, strong. Most importantly, they loved their family to death. It was because of that love that they were kept from letting their fights go too far, it was the reason that they were still brothers by the end of the day. If it came down to killing each other or dying together, they would take the latter option and die together. Nothing would make them turn against each other._

Raphael held Leonardo on his shell, and wrapped his hands around Leonardo's throat, emerald green eyes clouded with the pure, unadulterated fury.

_Nothing._

Panic clouded Leonardo's mind. He couldn't move, couldn't get away-

_No life or death situation, differing points of view, the option to live if the other died, nothing. They would always be there for each other._

Leonardo lifted his hands and grabbed Raphael's own, locking eyes with him.

_They had promised when they were still little, still innocent and pure and kind, that they would never hurt each other seriously. They were bound to accidentally hurt each other, they knew, even then, but they never wanted to injure each other purposefully. Not emotionally, or physically._

He didn't try to pry Raphael's hands off, that would only make the grip around his throat tighter and he could already feel the other turtle tensing. Instead, he forced out one word. "Raph-..." He attempted to breath through the death grip on his throat, gathering up enough air for two more words, two more that he knew Raphael would remember from their childhood. "-We promised-" He kept his loose hold on Raphael's hands, but that was weakening and his vision was blackening, he was running out of air.

Raphael hesitated, before he released his older brother's throat and quickly moved away. Leonardo, able to breathe and move, quickly sat up and placed a hand on his throat and gasped for air, taking deep, heaving breaths. He focused on getting his breath back first, then turned to Raphael, eyes wide and owlish as his breathing slowly calmed. Raphael had his knees pulled up to his chest, and he was glaring at a spot on the floor, where there was nothing in particular. Leonardo swallowed, and he watched Raphael, waiting to see if he would say or do anything.

Raphael did, at last, speak, his voice a deathly whisper, "I hate you."

Leonardo blinked, his heart dropping. He knew it. He knew his brother hated him. He wished that it was just the bad mood his brother was currently in, but he knew that it was the truth, his brother was speaking honestly and expressing how far his dislike for Leonardo went. There had always been the creeping suspicion that Raphael had hated him, but he had never actually come out and said it until then. What was he even supposed to say to that? I know? I'm sorry you feel that way? Why do you hate me? All of those options were terrible choices, and if Raphael hated him, what was even the point in saying it? His younger brother hated him. He wondered how long it would be before the others followed and admitted it too. Briefly, he entertained a thought of going topside instead of back to the lair while he tried to collect himself, but realized that it would only make things worse. Leonardo let his hand fall away from his throat as he stood up, and walked back home, alone.

_They had promised to love and protect each other until the day they died._

%%%

Donatello had merely been tinkering in his lab, making whatever made him happy at the moment. That was all he had asked for. Had it been too much?

...It must have been, since Michelangelo came sprinting into his lab almost screaming his name before screeching to a halt at his desk. Donatello sighed. Briefly, he wondered what impossible thing Michelangelo wanted him to build before he remembered that his two oldest brothers had been arguing again earlier. Over the fight. Over him. He sighed again. Leonardo and Raphael bickered like an old married couple, but sometimes it got pretty bad. Donatello looked over at Michelangelo.

"What is it, Mikey?" He attempted to keep his voice calm and hoped it didn't sound like he was about to snap Michelangelo's neck, or anyone who entered his lab.

Clearly, it didn't. "Leo-and-Raph-" Those three words were the only thing Michelangelo said, fast enough that a lot of people who didn't know the baby brother would've felt like they were having a stroke trying to understand him.

"I'm going to need you to elaborate."

Michelangelo took a deep breath, and launched into a fast-paced rambling of what went down and how desperately he needed the local genius' help. "So-Leo-and-Raph-were-fighting-right-but-that's-normal-they-always-do-that-but-this-time-it-got-ugly-I'm-sure-you-heard-and-they-left-and-Leo-came-back-first-and-he-was-bruised-and-there-were-hand-prints-around-his-throat-and-he-just-went-to-his-room-and-didn't-talk-" Michelangelo paused to take another breath before he continued. "-and-Raph-came-back-later-and-trained-for-like-an-hour-which-was-normal-and-I-thought-that-they-would-be-okay-from-there-but-Leo-was-in-the-living-room-when-Raph-came-out-of-the-dojo-and-Raph-immediately-left-and-went-to-his-own-room-and-the-two-of-them-refused-to-be-in-the-same-room-for-like-an-hour-and-a-half-and-then-Raph-was-unnaturally-quiet-and-he-approached-Leo-before-he-left-" Another gasp. "-And-then-he-did-that-for-like-ten-minutes-before-he-actually-started-going-over-to-Leo-but-Leo-has-been-either-ignoring-Raph-when-he-just-said-Leo's-name-or-straight-up-leaving-the-room-and-avoiding-Raph-before-he-can-even-say-a-word-and-Leo's-eyes-are-red-like-he's-been-crying-and-it's-not-like-him-to-ignore-or-avoid-Raph-after-a-fight-and-I-think-something-really-bad-happened-please-help-" Michelangelo's voice became more strained at the end of the run-on sentence, and he started panting when he was done, out of breath. He stared at Donatello with puppy eyes, begging for his help.

Donatello... Wasn't sure what to make of that. It sounded like the fight had gotten really, _really_ out of hand. It definitely wasn't like Leonardo, the brother who was always calm and collected, to ignore or avoid anyone after something bad had happened. He would leave them alone for a little while to give them some space first, sure, but after that, he would approach whoever he had fought with, carrying small offerings of food, or just a kind word and gentle touch, a calm demeanor that was nice to be around. He would talk them through whatever had happened, and try to reconcile after the fight to keep the peace of the household. He didn't _run_ , he didn't keep quiet until he was left alone. Something was very, very wrong.

Donatello sighed for the third time in the past five minutes and looked to Michelangelo. "Mikey, you're the best one with emotions out of all of us. What do you want me to do?"

Michelangelo got the last of his breath back, and spoke at a normal pace. "I already have a plan, but I need your help with it."

Donatello glanced over at what he was currently working on, then pushed his chair away from the desk and focused intently on Michelangelo. "Alright, alright. What is it?"

Michelangelo grinned, and was content just sitting on the floor. "Well, obviously, we have to talk to them first and figure out what went wrong, and plan from there."

"That's as far as you got, isn't it?"

Silence fell over them and his question was answered. The two made eye contact, as they figured out who they were more scared of at the moment. Raphael was quiet, and probably beating himself up over something that he said, but that didn't mean that he wouldn't react explosively when questioned. Leonardo, however... Leonardo didn't get angry often. Or, rather, he did, but it was always _calm_ anger. If he was pushed too far, he would react violently like Raphael, and that was when it was time to stop and reconsider your standing in the argument. However, if he was still pushed past that, he was cold and uncaring. His words could hurt worse than a scorpion's sting, and his attitude colder than the Arctic as he attempted to push everyone away, his walls up. Both of them simultaneously decided that they were most afraid of Leonardo, and Michelangelo attempted to get out of having to talk with the oldest.

"I'll talk with Raph, you take Leo."

Oh no. Donatello was not going down easily. "No no," He insisted. "I'll talk with Raph. He's probably really angry and you know how he gets with you. You can talk with Leo, don't worry!"

"It's alright, truly, I'll just take whatever is coming my way."

"But Raph is so violent."

"All the more reason why you shouldn't have to talk with him, dear brother."

Donatello was too tired for this crap. He wheezed out a sigh, realizing that Michelangelo would keep going until Donatello agreed to talk to Leonardo. He could only hope that Leonardo would be kind. "Fine. Jerk."

Michelangelo stuck his tongue out at him, and received a small kick in his plastron as punishment before Donatello stood up, and went to go talk with Leonardo. He dreaded having to talk with his oldest brother when he was so angry he was completely ignoring them. The more he thought about, the more he realized: This was the _first_ time Leonardo was pushed this far. Any of them knew to stop when he exploded, so they never went beyond that. Had Raphael said something wrong? None of them were good with emotions or words, maybe he expressed how he was feeling in a way that hurt both of them. Donatello looked around the living room of the lair and, not seeing his brother, went over to Leonardo's room, since that was his next best bet if the Leonardo was trying to avoid Raphael. He hesitated at the entryway, hand hovering near the shoji that separated their rooms from the hallway. He had never been allowed into Leonardo's room, none of them had. Leonardo preferred privacy, and none of them had cared about entering Leonardo's room, so they left him alone, and no one had given it a second thought. But now? Standing in front of Leonardo's room, needing to enter to check to see if he was even there? Donatello's eye ridges furrowed. He didn't want to invoke wrath from his oldest brother by entering without permission, but he doubted that if he knocked, Leonardo would answer, if he was even in there. Still, he might as well try. Donatello knocked twice, and waited for a response. After waiting a minute, he began to turn away, only to be stopped by his brother's voice.

"Come in."

Donatello's heart quite possibly skipped a beat before he turned back to the shoji. Leonardo sounded so miserable and dead, it worried Donatello. He took a breath to calm himself, and then reached out and opened the shoji some, poking his head in.

"Leo?"

Leonardo blinked owlishly at him and froze to the spot before gesturing for Donatello to come in and sit next to him. Donatello did as told, stepping in and sliding the shoji shut behind him, before he stopped to take in the appearance of the room. Leonardo's room was just kind of... Empty. Barren. The walls were empty of any kind of posters or pictures, not even a place to hold his katanas. In fact, almost the entire room was empty. The only things he had were his bed, a nightstand with a lamp on it, and a closet near the far side of the room. He had been expecting some Space Heroes stuff, maybe some things Leonardo had found while scavenging through the sewers that he thought were cool, art supplies, _anything_ that wasn't a bare necessity. It was a little concerning to Donatello, but he ignored it, sitting down on the bed next to Leonardo. Leonardo, who was holding a pillow to his chest, shifted to make room for him, and just stared at the floor, rubbing his eyes occasionally. Donatello wasn't sure how to start the conversation. and _stars, it was awkward_. He looked at his brother, then the marks on his throat, growing more concerned by the second.

"So, uh..." Donatello struggled with what to say, figuring out how he should ask. "You doing okay?" Nailed it, totally.

Leonardo gave a noncommittal grunt, and Donatello regretted asking in the first place.

"...Do you want to talk about it?" He tried again.

Royal blue eyes avoided Donatello's gaze, and Leonardo pulled his knees closer to the pillow.

"Please?"

Leonardo stayed silent, and Donatello waited patiently. He'd wait forever, if he had to. It was bothering Leonardo and it was obvious. The few minutes he waited for a response felt like forever, but it payed off. When Leonardo spoke, his voice was low and broken. It felt like he was mumbling, and Donatello had to lean closer in order to hear him.

"The fight got ugly."

Donatello tilted his head. "Ugly how?"

"'Physical-fight' ugly."

Oh. "How bad did it get? You and Raph have been kind of distant."

Leonardo went silent again, and Donatello waited for a response. He'd metaphorically come out of his shell eventually. When he did, Donatello would be there to listen.

%%%

Michelangelo held a pillow for defense, and went looking for Raphael, cautious of any flaring tempers. He had seen Donatello disappear into Leonardo's room and there hadn't been any raised voices, and Donatello hadn't been kicked out yet, so... That was a good sign. He could only hope that Raphael would be as merciful. He wasn't in the living room, and Michelangelo had already checked the dojo to see if Raphael had retreated back there. Not daring to check Raphael's room, Michelangelo went to the kitchen next. It was a good surprise and a startling sight to see Raphael sitting at the table, just being so quiet. So... small. Sad. Michelangelo knew that all of them responded well to offerings of food, and that usually helped open them up about any problems they had been having. Slowly, he moved over to the fridge, and hunted for some milk. Raphael was watching him out of the corner of his eye, but hadn't left yet. Perfect. Michelangelo went about his business, dropping the pillow onto a chair to work more easily, and made a cup of hot chocolate. If both older brothers were having a bad day, he would need a lot more hot chocolate, but for then he just made one. He made it pretty, too. Whipped cream, some chocolate chips, crushed candy cane, and then carefully placed it in front of Raphael, picking up the pillow and sitting in the chair where it was before. Then he just watched Raphael, waiting. Raphael blinked at the warm drink offering and froze like a deer in headlights. Of course, Raphael caught on quickly, and leaned back with a groan.

"I messed up, Mike."

Michelangelo rested his face in his hands and gave a questioning grunt. "Mmm?"

Raphael sighed. "I tried to choke 'im out." Michelangelo nearly choked on his own spit, giving Raphael time to gather himself before he kept going, leaning forward again. "I tried to _choke_ him, Mikey? You get that through your thick skull? He nearly went out, too. I almost did it."

Michelangelo pushed the drink closer to Raphael. "Go on."

Raphael paused to stare at Michelangelo, emerald eyes suspicious, before he continued. "God, I was so angry, and then I let 'im go and said I hated him while he was _gasping for air_ next to me. I didn't mean it, you know I didn't, but I let my anger get the best of me again and it just slipped out." Raphael pushed the drink out of the way and folded his arms, resting his head in them and looking away. "He thinks I hate him now, doesn't he?"

When Raphael didn't continue, Michelangelo realized with a jolt that the red-clad turtle was waiting for an answer, and tried to figure out how to answer. "Well..." Raphael was looking at him expectantly now, _begging_ for an answer that Michelangelo just couldn't give. "Well, I mean, we don't know that for sure, right? You can only know by talking to him-"

"I have tried talking to him!" Raphael cut him off, sitting up sharply, voice sharp and raw with emotion and _pained_. "Every time I try to talk to him, he either ignores me or walks away!" He slumped back down, covering his face with his hands. "I messed up, he really believes it now and won't even let me try to convince him otherwise."

_Well that complicates things,_ Michelangelo thought bitterly, then tried to reassure his older brother. "Donnie's talking to him. He can try to knock some sense into him, can't he? I mean, he hasn't been kicked out yet, so that's good."

Raphael moved one of his hands and looked at Michelangelo dubiously. "Really?"

"Mhm! If Don can get Leo out of his room and over here, we can try to get him to talk to you."

Raphael sat up a little more and pulled both of his hands off his face, a dim spark of hope lighting in his eyes. "Do you think he will?"

"You two have been brothers again at the end of the day after worse stuff."

Raphael fully relaxed, and relief swept through his figure. Michelangelo smiled. One down, one to go.

%%%

Leonardo mumbled something, and Donatello frowned, shifting closer. "What? I'm going to need you to speak up."

He watched as his oldest brother tensed, and feared he had something wrong, but the doubt was forced out when Leonardo raised his voice some, enough that Donatello could hear some of it.

"...Tried to choke me out."

Donatello eye's widened, fear striking him like a stone at the thought that the fight had gone that far. "You're serious?"

Leonardo nodded, and kept going. "He let me go before I passed out, but-" His breathing hitched, shoulders shaking slightly. "He... Said he hated me." Leonardo curled into a tighter ball, still sitting.

Donatello silently cursed how bad they all were with expressing words and emotions correctly. No doubt, Raphael hadn't meant it, but it had slipped out anyway, and Leonardo tended to take a lot of things personally, so of course his brother had been completely wrecked by it. Donatello put an arm over Leonardo's shoulders and leaned forward to look him in the eyes. "You know he doesn't mean it, right?"

Leonardo raised his head, voice finally raised to a normal volume and expressing his distress. "But how do you know? How do you know he doesn't hate me?!"

Donatello realized that it might've broken the oldest more than he initially thought, which would've explained his behavior. He pulled his arm back, and instead, put his hand on Leonardo's shoulder.

"Leo. Look me in the eyes." Leonardo looked confused, shakily meeting Donatello's gaze. Donatello smiled, trying to reassure him. "Raph doesn't mean it. He just has problems with expressing how he's feeling properly. He was probably really angry at the time, and so he just said the first thing that came to mind. He's been wanting to talk to you. You know that, right?"

Leonardo nodded, and guilt swept through his features. He knew what he had been doing, and was, of course, beating himself up for it.

Donatello hesitated, wishing he could slap the look off his older brother's face, before he leaned forward and wrapped him in a hug. Leonardo froze, tense, and then returned the hug, his breathing ragged. Donatello held in yet another sigh at Leonardo's behavior. He really needed to look into Psychology.

"Leo, calm down, okay? Raph should still be waiting to talk to you. Your relationship hasn't been completely ruined. He probably wants to apologize to you, and talk about what happened. You can find out for yourself about whether or not he hates you."

Leonardo slowly pulled away. He didn't say anything to Donatello, and turned after a moment to face the wall, hugging himself at that point. Donatello waited anxiously. He needed Leonardo's coordination on this to see how badly the words had injured them. Whoever said "words can never hurt me", was a liar. Finally, Leonardo agreed to talking to Raphael.

"...Alright."

Donatello grinned, stood, and walked over to the shoji, waiting for Leonardo to follow him. Leonardo moved slowly, but as soon as they left his room, he straightened up, face stoic. The sudden mood shift as soon as he was out in the open was _very_ concerning to Donatello, but he brushed it off for the moment. Once peace was made, he would look into it. He was fairly certain that Michelangelo and Raphael were not in either's room, and he already ruled out the living room. There was only silence coming from the dojo, too, so the most reasonable conclusion was the kitchen. The kitchen was a good place to go if you were feeling bad, anyway. Donatello led the way to the kitchen, poking his head in first before leading Leonardo in. Sure enough, Michelangelo and Raphael were sitting together at the table, a cup of hot chocolate that was probably getting cold pushed off to the side, with an island of whipped cream sinking in the middle and making the drink look like it was one glance away from overflowing. Leonardo was tense as soon as he entered the room, and Raphael, noticing the two entering the room, looked slightly injured by it. Michelangelo got the hint, and, at Donatello's urging, left the kitchen, shortly followed by Donatello. Now they could only hope that the conversation would go well.

%%

Raphael glanced up at Leonardo, who sat stiffly across the table from him, before looking back down at his hands, fiddling with his fingers. The whole apology he had planned while Michelangelo was sitting with him was gone. Completely erased from his mind. He didn't know how to talk to his older brother, anything he said came out wrong and he ended up hurting someone. "Someone" usually ended up being his family, and he hated it. While he struggled to try and figure out what to say, Leonardo initiated the conversation.

"So... Donnie said you wanted to talk to me?"

Raphael's head shot up. The fact that Leonardo had been ignoring him earlier had been an emotional wrecking ball, and now he was starting the talk since Raphael couldn't? He froze, trying to find the words.

"I mean- Yeah, I was- I was trying earlier." He silently cursed himself for saying that as Leonardo winced and turned his gaze away.

"Yeah, I, uh, I noticed. Sorry about that."

"Sorry about what?"

"About ignoring you. You were just trying to talk about what happened, and I kept shutting you down without hearing you out."

Raphael gave a dry laugh. "You're sorry about that? Leo, I tried-"

"-tried to choke me." Leonardo finished his sentence and Raphael almost choked on his on spit, the hurt intensifying. "Yeah. I know."

Raphael's breathing hitched as he tried to figure out what to say. What _did_ you say after that? Sorry? That wasn't right. Maybe he'd just launch straight into his apology and see how that went- "I'm sorry." He blurted out. "I'm sorry that I took the fight so far, and that I said I hated you. It was _stupid_ and _petty_ and I didn't mean what I said. I was being an idiot and I let my anger get the best of me, again."

He winced and looked away, waiting for the rejection that was bound to come. Confusion struck when, instead of rejecting his apology, Leonardo reached across the table and gently grabbed his hand, giving him a soft, kind smile.

"It's alright, Raph. You didn't mean it, and that's what matters. The damage isn't irreparable."

Raphael sputtered for a second, trying to comprehend how easily Leonardo forgave him. "Wha-?"

"No. No fighting it. It's alright."

Raphael met Leonardo's gaze, trying to see if he was lying. Leonardo couldn't lie to his family, Raphael had learned that long ago, but no matter how long he stared, he couldn't find any signs that he was lying.

"You wanna help me make some more hot chocolate? I think Donnie and Mikey could use some too. It's been a long day."

Pausing, Raphael looked over towards the nearly overflowing cup, and grumbled, "That one's wasted."

Leonardo shrugged. "Eh, Mikey will understand."

Raphael paused, suspicious of the mood shift, before nodding.

"Fine, you can't cook without burning something or blowing something up anyway. You need supervision."

Leonardo pouted, but brightened up after a moment, standing up. Raphael followed. He didn't truly believe his brother but...

Maybe, just maybe, he'd believe him for then.

%%%

Michelangelo finished the blanket fort and smiled at his masterpiece while Raphael and Leonardo walked out of the kitchen, both relaxed and holding two cups of hot chocolate each. Perfect. The plan was all coming together.

"Don, whatcha putting on?" Raphael asked, watching Donatello, who was setting up something on the TV.

"Star Wars."

Both Raphael and Michelangelo both expressed their relief through wheezing sighs, while Leonardo said nothing about it not being Space Heroes. Michelangelo crawled inside the blanket fort, arranged the blankets and pillows inside for maximum comfort, and then signaled for Raphael and Leonardo to follow him in. They did so, being careful not to spill the hot chocolate while they came in, and Donatello followed shortly after, claiming the remote, and therefore claiming pausing privileges. Nobody complained, though, getting comfortable and passing out hot chocolates and blankets before starting the movie. They watched attentively, relaxed by being in each other's presences and knowing that all was well again. It was a good end to a stressful day, and they were all brothers once more. When they woke up the next morning, nobody complained about the tangle of limbs and blankets that they were stuck in from falling asleep together the night before. In fact, they were more than happy to just stay together a little longer, knowing that they wouldn't get a lot of chances like it in the future.

%%%

_Raphael stood on his toes, one foot scrambling for a hold on the cabinet shelf and one hand on the counter as he tried to pull himself up to the higher shelves, where Splinter kept the sweets. He was still small, but he was determined. Leonardo watched his brother from the doorway, and almost sighed at his brother's antics. It was either tell Splinter, or help Raphael, and he knew that snitches got stitches, so he chose the latter option. He might've been the "Golden Boy", but he had a few secrets of his own, and secrets that he kept for his brothers. Raphael turned his head as Leonardo approached, and frowned._

_"Are you going to tell Splinter?"_

_Leonardo shook his head. "No, I'm here to help."_

_Raphael paused as he processed the new information, then grinned, missing two of his baby teeth as his adult teeth grew in. "Great! Here, gimme a boost, I need some help getting up."_

_Leonardo walked over, and cupped his hands under the foot that Raphael already had raised, helping him get up onto the counter so that he could reach the candy. "We split 50-50?"_

_"60-40."_

_"50-50 or I leave right now and tell Splinter."_

_"Fine, fine, no need for threats."_

_Raphael teetered precariously on the counter, holding onto the cabinets to keep himself away from the edge as he grabbed the candy that had previously been kept from them. There wasn't a lot of it, since getting sweets that were still good were pretty rare, but it was enough. Tossing some of it down to Leonardo first, he closed the cabinets as quietly as he could, sat on the counter, and hopped down, closing the lower cabinet that he had been using as a stepping stool. The two of them combined how much candy they got, and figured out how it should be split up._

_"Shouldn't we share with Donnie and Mikey too?" Leonardo asked, quickly figuring out how to divide the candy fairly amongst four people._

_"Nah, they didn't help." Raphael finished the debate with only a few words, and that was that._

_Snatching their stolen goodies, they retreated to Raphael's room, sitting on Raphael's bed and carefully unwrapping sweets._

_"Raph."_

_"Leo?"_

_Leonardo turned to Raphael, eyes soft and concerned. "Promise me that we won't hurt each other seriously. Not ever. No seriously hurting each other on purpose during training or spars, and no hurting each other's feelings too badly." He held out his pinky, or the closest thing to a pinky he could get with three fingers. "Pinky promise me."_

_Raphael hesitated before locking pinkies with Leonardo. "Pinky promise."_

**Author's Note:**

> What does it say about me that I was able to write a oneshot that was longer than my most recent chapter for a fic?
> 
> Okay but then again, I had lots of f e e l i n g s that I wanted to get into this fic, and I've only had this idea in my head for 3 days, so it's still raw and fresh and I have HAPPY WRITER BRAIN FEELINGS SO I CAN WRITE EVERYTHING


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